I have spent a lot of time staring at a blank page on my computer. I write a few words only to delete them revealing a blank page once again. I’m not sure if it is fear of not writing the ‘right’ words or a matter of not having anything worthy to say. Maybe it is just my mood as of late.
As I sit home sick on the couch sidelined for a week, I snuggle up in my favourite hoodie feeling sorry for myself. I hide under my hood pulled over my head thinking of all the things I want to change, things I feel guilty about not doing, places I’d rather be exploring and focusing on the negative instead of discovering an optimistic path. I hide under my hood waiting for something that won’t happen without me getting off the couch.
First I need to fight to not be sick anymore. Time to get off the couch and feed my body what it needs to heal.
There are times when I can’t wait to get to my computer to write. There are times when I sit at my computer with nothing to say. Then there are times when I have so much to say I don’t know where to start. Today is one of those days where I spent more time reading blogs that writing on my own as I believe I’ve started 6 posts as of late and not been able to finish a single one. I have a lot to get out, but just not sure how I want it to read. I go through the internal conversation wondering if what I have to say needs to be read? Then I think if I didn’t want anyone to read it, why bother blogging? I suppose this is my version of a writer’s block. It isn’t that I’ve nothing to say, I just want what I say to be insightful, funny, and enlightening. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself although I have no delusions of winning a Giller Prize anytime soon. Maybe I should take a cue from some of my favourite bloggers and just write. For tonight, I will just hit that scary little blue button with the word “Publish” written in the centre and just know I wrote something and not worry that it may not be all that memorable.