Letting go of fear to embrace 2016

img_6477

As 2017 approaches in a few short hours, I can’t help but get caught up in the idea of starting fresh, making resolutions and embracing changes that may come. The New Year is a time to let go of the regrets, make statements about what we want to do better in our lives and wake up tomorrow with a positive outlook and hopefully not a hangover. New Years is like our own personal reset button.

In order to reset and start new, we often look back on the past year to admit what wasn’t successful, what we can improve upon and what we want to change for the better. This year I don’t want to focus on failures but instead look back on my achievements. It was a pivotal year for me as I went outside my comfort zone and did a lot of things that scared me. I came out the other end having grown and knowing that having done those scary things made me realize how exciting life is and how much I may have missed all these years. Instead of allowing fear to cripple me I used it to motivate me. If it was something I looked at from the outside in awe knowing I was to afraid to try it, I knew it was something I had to do. What was the worst thing that could happen? I feel embarrassed, shake my head and tell myself that maybe I was right?

2016 was the year I quit being in fear of meeting new people and enjoying new experiences just because I didn’t have a friend beside me. I took me quite a few months to put my courage into action but once I took the leap I couldn’t stop.

In 2016:

  • I decided to let go of some of my Lululemon gear, posted it for sale on line and ended up with an amazing friend. Letting go of that duffle I loved but never used rewarded me with someone I wish I had in my life years ago.
  • I joined a Facebook chat group and actually posted comments
  • I met the most fabulous ladies from Canada and the United States as a result of the Facebook chat group, met them all in Vancouver and now have some great friendships as a result.
  • I let go of my self-judgements and started going to yoga on a regular basis and found a community of people who I don’t know personally but feel spiritually connected.
  • Rather than having the fear of being laid off cripple me, I worked like I would be safe, made financial preparations in case, and made the decision that if it was so, I could have some fun and work somewhere because I wanted to, not because I didn’t have a choice. (I did not lose my job, but if I had, I was secretly looking forward to the possibilities knowing my lifestyle would change.)
  • My husband I and I went for lunch with his college roommate who he hasn’t seen in far too long (remember me meeting new people is scary) and ended up having an incredible afternoon full of laughs and good wine.
  • I joined a running club and smashed my preconceived notions that runners can be an odd group as I no longer care when I have a crappy run as I always leave smiling knowing I got out there and had a lot of laughs surrounded but the most amazingly supportive people.
  • I bought a 10 pass card to a boxing studio feeling awkward, shy, uncoordinated and afraid only to leave energized and exhausted at the same time once again surrounded by amazing people full of encouragement and motivation.
  • I have reconnected with friends and family I haven’t seen in far too long and am always amazed at how time passes yet we pick up right where we left off.

What will 2017 bring? I am ready to set my intentions but you will have to wait until then to find out. 😉

t.g.2016

 

 

 

In my next life…

IMG_0201

I never want to be afraid to dream

I want to understand dreams do come true.

I want to be secure enough to know what I want and brave enough to go get it.

I want to be that person that knows exactly what I want to be when I grow up.

I want to put myself first but not be oblivious to others needs.

I want to be a better friend.

I want to remember the mistakes I made in this life and not be afraid to make more mistakes.

I want to take things I’ve learned in this life and remember the lessons so I can learn more.

I want to experience fear, but also experience the exhilaration of overcoming those fears.

I want to understand who I am before I reach 40.

I want to meet my soul mate and know it may just be that and nothing more… a chance meeting.

I want my next life to be full of uncertainty, adventure, questions, fears, friendships and dreams.

Perhaps I need a few lives to accomplish everything. Cats have nine, I hope mine are unlimited.

t.g.2014

My favourite Eve of the year

IMG_2124

With the usual craziness of the holiday season, I haven’t had much time to write. I decided to take a small moment to enjoy seeing the words fill the blank white page as I gaze out across the snow-covered city. It is Christmas Eve and I am more than ready (and excited) for what is to come in the next few days.

Gifts are wrapped and under the tree, Eggnog is chilling in the fridge, ingredients are waiting to come together for an evening of appetizers with family, and A and I are off to see the Nutcracker Ballet this afternoon. Christmas Eve is here and it is my favourite day of the holiday season.

Norad is ready to go on the computer and A has already spotted Santa making his way across Asia. She is planning to go to bed once Santa reaches Toronto so she has enough time to fall asleep. 🙂

The anticipation of the past few months is at its height. All that is left is laughter, eating, drinking and enjoying time with family and friends.

I wish nothing but warm hearts, warm hugs and sugar-plum dreams coming true tonight.

From my family to yours… Merry Christmas!

t.g. 2013

Midnight Musings

There is something to be said about what alcohol does to a person. You can think you know someone sober and find out they are completely different as you send them home in a cab.

I sit alone as I hear my hubby happily snoring upstairs wondering if a friend made it home safe tonight.

True, as cabs are concerned here, safe I am assured, but I have no idea if the cabbie was able to walk her to the door, let alone put her to bed.

Interestingly the cabbie made me feel like the bad guy as he said to me “is she ok?” and “if not, I will be back here to see you” as I poured her into the back seat.

I made sure of her address as offers to crash here were refused. Payment he had and yet I am still left wondering if she will somehow show up back at my door.

Funny thing about alcohol: it makes us into someone we try so hard to hide.

I can’t help but embrace the reminders of why I refrain from letting completely loose.

I have worked too hard to be who I am today and am not about to let a bottle of wine tell everyone else otherwise.

If you should cross my path…

Every once in a while I stop to think about all the paths I have crossed in life. No matter what the agenda, each and every person I have passed has impacted something within me even to the tiniest degree. The person that bumped into me without a second thought made me more aware to watch I don’t swing my pack as carelessly; the homeless guy I see every morning on my way to work has made me appreciate the fact I can buy him a coffee; the tour guide I trusted to hook me into a zip line makes me understand others want to be trusted; the sales clerk that went above and beyond to help me even though I was visibly frustrated made me realize life is too short to be a jerk to others no matter what their attitude; the angry customer I assisted with nothing but understanding and positivity made me realize some people just want to be heard. Chance meetings can be just that, or we can pay attention to subtle cues that can shape who we are, and who we can become.

The paths I have walked along have had a much larger impact in my life than those I merely crossed.  I have learned to cherish all of them, both in the moment and after our paths have diverged. I know that even the best of friends may be so for many years, but as lives change course, by conscious choice or by no control of our own, I cannot hold sadness in my heart for I am a better person to have had the encounter than not at all. I will remember what made us laugh until we cried, the trouble we got into, then talked our way back out of, and all the adventures we shared. I will put aside the fights, frustrations and even jealousy. I will reflect on what we had (and have) and know it may not be forever as life is dynamic and everyone has a path to follow. I am forever grateful mine hasn’t been a straight line on a flat road.

I will look back at my twisty, bumpy path and smile in hopes that what lays ahead is much the same. From the small pebbles I trip over, to the boulders I’ve managed to move rather than simply go around, I will know I was meant to cross each person’s path. I may not always know the reason, but for those I’ve walked with rather than just tripped over, thank you. To those I’ve yet to meet, I will remember to embrace the moment and not worry about what is around the next bend.