This isn’t something new; It is something I’ve known for a very long time. It is something I’ve known for so long I had the chance twice and ran away scared. I ran but always found a way to return year after year after year. I had family here. I found a friend who lived here, I found a reason to come back every September long weekend for 13 years. I found a different reason to come back when the previous reason ran out of lives. I found a best friend who grew up here. I found a (not so) distant relative who spent a better part of his life here. I started running to make an excuse to return for a few years although it was a half marathon and I’d be in pain for days. I found a reason.
At what point are the reasons and excuses going to run out? I’m a “Western Canadian” girl and always will be but my heart feels best when I’m on the West Coast. I’m not going to sleep tonight*. Not because I can’t, but because I don’t want to. I want to take in the city as much as I can because I refuse to take it for granted. I refuse to not appreciate why I am here and what is outside my window. I am trying so hard to not have regrets but every time I’m here I hate to leave. It isn’t that feeling of never wanting to end a vacation. It is a feeling of not wanting to be a tourist but a resident with a career, a life, a home… I want people who do live here to understand what they have and what they aren’t missing.
It don’t want to cry, to waste energy wondering why not. I want to spend every moment breathing in the salty air, the West Coast vibe, to appreciate salty hair and a feeling of comfort and to understand the hustle and bustle of a city that is vibrant and full of energy. I won’t regret what could have been but enjoy what is and know it will be here when I need it.
Perhaps if I lived here I wouldn’t appreciate what I do now. It isn’t that far away and possibly only being here once a year makes me understand how amazing it is. There is a reason it is my home county and not some exotic location. I have to remember how close it is peeking at me just over the mountains and the feeling I get when I’m here. I need to put those feelings in a jar to open when I’m forgetting how amazing the feelings can be. It might be just a city and many people have told me it isn’t where you are, but who you are, however there are times when location is everything. I need to cherish what this moment is and close my eyes to take a mental snapshot so when I’m feeling blue I will remember what it feels like to be in Vancouver.
My heart is and always will be yours. XO
*written about a month ago while in Vancouver after I completed my 3rd half marathon.